Friday, November 19, 2010

So I played Call of Duty: Black ops the other day (Finished the single player in one sitting), and realized something. All in all, it's a terrible fucking game.

Now if you've stuck around to read this far, and haven't already gone to grab your pitch fork and torch. Then you'll get to learn why I think this way.

I imagine the call of duty fanboy version of this would look more like a million comic book guys.

To start off with. In all honesty. I could not care less about the multiplayer for any call of duty game. It has never interested me. I've always enjoyed more goal, and/or team based FPS games (Battlefield: Bad Company 2 being my personal favorite at the moment). Where as the call of duty games primarily focusing on run and gun gameplay. Which, even in a Team death match, or capture the flag. Still amounts to nothing but people trying endlessly to gain the most kills.

But what really puts that nail in the proverbial coffin of any modicum of interest in the online for call of duty games. Above all else. Is the community. That's right. The people who play the game, are so bad. I refuse to interact with them. and this isn't just because I think everyone who breathes is out to eat my face (Admit it, you're thinking about my delicious face right now). No. It's because there is nothing more annoying to me. Than anyone who finds it necessary to endlessly spout any and all insults to anyone they can find. Simply to try and prove that they have less of a life than the other person, and are more of a "Leet roxors big pimp daddy" or whatever the fuck those idiots call them selfs now a days. Seriously. If you're one of those people who plays fps games, and runs around saying TO YOUR OWN TEAM MATES "You fucking suck you stupid faggot". Castrate your self now. THE GENE POOL WILL THANK YOU!


To be fair though. You CAN find people like that, in virtually any game. As it's more a problem with society as a whole, than a relatively small cliche. But still. It seems like they all culminate on xbox live, and/or call of duty games.

Alright. Moving on. Lets get to the main. Hell. The only reason I play call of duty games. The single player experience.

Now a key word I used there is "Experience" Not "Single player story" or "single player mode". Because if you're playing a story driven game. You shouldn't JUST be playing a game. You should be enjoying an experience. Something that takes you in, and actually engrosses you into it. Like any good book, movie, play, etc. does. Which call of duty games successfully do. On a consistent basis no less.

(Note: There will be spoilers. So if you haven't played Call of Duty: Black ops, and don't want the story ruined for you. Stop reading now.)

As far as the story goes. It's pretty fucking good. It starts off with you as just another special ops guy. But quickly evolves into a multi national espionage soup of amazingness (Fuck you firefox spell check. Amazingness is too a word. Because I say so damn it.) I guess saying you start off as "Just another special ops guy" makes the beginning sound like it's rather generic, and takes time to really start paying off any. But it really doesn't. Hell, the fucking main menu for the game, is the main character strapped in a chair, looking around a room being tortured for information. So before even hitting the "New game" button, I knew I was in for some amazing shit. and low behold. The game starts off with you and your special ops team, being sent in to cuba during the bay of pigs invasion, to assassinate Fidel Castro. Now I'll admit, I know damn near nothing about history. and don't claim to know the specifics about the bay of pigs invasion, other than it was a major battle between Cuba and the United States, with the goal of overthrowing Castro from power. (Because. Well. He had a running track record of being, kind of a dick.) But making the opening having the opening of your game. Start with you trying to kill an active head of state. Is a pretty ballsy move. Now some people have said that this was in poor taste (Even Castro him self was pissed about it. Big shocker there.). Personally I couldn't care less. It's ballsy yeah. But its not like any of this is real. So what does it matter really? Hell, you could bring back Abe Lincoln and rape him with a 2x4, and I still wouldn't care. I really don't know why you'd do that. But hey, who am I to encroach on artistic creativity.

I was going to add an image here. But I was to scared to type "Abe lincoln" and "rape" into google images.

Now I'm not going to go into deep detail about the entire story. But it goes from, killing Castro, who turns out to be a fake, to being imprisoned for 17 months in a Russian internment camp, to your best friend who you've been assisted by for much of the game, turning out to be a guy who brain washed you in the internment camp, to be a sleeper agent sent to kill the president. All in all. The story is, for the most part, well thought out, and most importantly, entertaining. (The after credits scene implying mason of being Kennedy's assassin was the cherry on the cake for me.)

Now if you're thinking "Wow, he must really have liked the game then" You'd be wrong. Because while the story was great. The actual gameplay it self was absolutely terrible. Mixed with graphic staggering where there should be none. It honestly made me want to stop playing half way through.

What was so bad? Well. For starters the aiming on the guns felt odd for some reason. I know every fps has it's own feeling to it, that you have to get used to. But I never really did get used to it. Granted, that's more my own problem than the game. But it annoyed me just the same. On top of that was the fact enemies not only have x-ray vision, and know where you are at all times. They also apparently have such blind hatred for you. That they will ignore, and blatantly walk passed your team mates. Just to get a couple rounds off at you. And what do your team mates do while the enemy is taking a pleasant stroll passed them to give you a couple extra holes to breath through? NOT A GOD DAMN THING! Seriously. I haven't seen AI this pants on head retarded in a long fucking time. Calling this a "squad based action game" is such a blatant lie, that uttering the words would cause your own fist to careen into your own face. You could easily do the entire game alone. You practically do anyway. Really, all your team mates ever do, is get in the way, or need rescuing. If I was in charge of a squad this incompetent. Our squads mortality rate would fucking sky rocket. Even without seeing battle.

One part that did amuse me. Was later in the game, when you're in a research lab, and there are cages with monkeys and pigs in them. You can go through and kill them. Then later when you come through the same area with a different squad. The same animals you killed, are still dead. Small touch, but I liked it. Plus I fucking hate monkeys. So any excuse to blow the fuckers away is an automatic A grade in my books.

So after finishing the game. I sat their and read some posts on forums about the three main fps games out right now. Black ops, Bad company 2, and Medal of Honor. The general consensus that I found. Was that Black ops was the best thing since you learned to masturbate. Especially compared to Medal of Honor. But you know what? I could not disagree more. Medal of Honor's story was not only as good as the Black ops one (In all honesty I liked Black ops's story a little more. but that might just be the fact that I just finished playing it a few days ago talking.) But the gameplay in Medal of Honor was leaps and bounds above Black ops. Hell, it had the best single player game play I've played in a long time. Even the bad company series, which I love, can't stack up to it. The guns/sound effects, the event sequencing, the AI (not to mention the slide to cover system which was awesome, and should have been added to the fucking multiplayer!) Hell, even the look of the game over all. Just amount to a better experience.

Now don't get me wrong. I didn't 100% love Medal of Honor either. It fell into the same boat as Black ops. Loved the single player. But the multiplayer gave my dick a rash just being near it. (Kinda like Paris Hilton! Ba dum bum pish). That said. Medal of Honor is in a unique situation, of being done in two parts. With the single player being done by Danger Close aka EA LA, and the multiplayer being done by DICE. The main problem with the multiplayer, was that DICE did it. If you've been in Bad company 2 since the beginning, you know the track record DICE have made for them selfs. Little communication with the community. Blatantly lieing to the players (They do this every time they release new modes for existing maps, and have the balls to call it a "Map pack".) and seemingly half assing everything they touch. The Medal of Honor being a prime example of that. They literally built it, by taking the bad company 2 engine, and throwing in some aspects of Modern Warfare 2. It's not even like the game was rushed either. As far as I know. They had ample development time to build something unique. Or just fucking port the single player aspects into it. That alone would have made it at least decent. But no. They put Bad Company 2, and Modern Warfare 2, put them into a mixing glass. Translated the result into computer code, and shipped it.

With the amount of fuck ups DICE have managed in the passed 6 months. I can honestly say, I won't buy anything with their name on it. Save for the next mirrors edge game. I loved the first one enough, to buy the next one regardless.

As far as Medal of Honor is concerned. I genuinely hope Danger Close is given full development rights on it, and EA have the smarts to leave DICE out of it. Because if the next one has both names attached to it. I won't buy it.

And just to round this out. I'll say something about Bad company 2 as well.


WOO, BOOBIES!!!! I mean. OASIS!!!!!